Slam With The Best Or Jam Like The Rest
by standingon.words
Summary: A day in the life of Dreamy Steel Sorceress Roxie the Magnificent, the magical robot catgirl maid Virbank Gym Leader Roxie turns into whenever evil threatens Unova.


The DOGARS signal lit up the sky. Roxie sighed at the sight of it— it looked like it was going to be another busy night. She excused herself from the company of the friends she was drinking with, then rushed down the block to the house she knew was abandoned. Once she knew she was somewhere with no one around she began her incantation,

"Ramonus, clashi, blak frag... Em shi phi Eegi pohp, syx piisohls!"

Intensely bright lights emitted from her body. She felt her clothes rip off, then her body turning into one of a robot. With several more pulses of light her magical maid outfit covered her now nude body. She felt her cat ears sprout from her head, before the final piece of her outfit, her magical staff, appeared in her hand. In one last extra-bright burst of light Roxie's transformation into "Dreamy Steel Sorceress Roxie the Magnificent".

She rushed back outside the old house, and took off using the powers of flight her new forme gave her. She let out a sigh. She never wanted these powers, but she had no idea that it would be the payment for having the Sylveon grant her wish. At the very least she could have wished for something better than "a really bangin' pizza right NOW". Before long she found herself nearing the Castelia Police Department, the source of the DOGARS signal. She landed with a loud clang and made her way to the Police Chief's office to find out what was wrong.

"What's going down tonight?"

"It's another wackjob with some super-rare Pokémon trying to change the global status quo. You're the only one who can stop him. Are you up for it?"

"Are you going to start paying me for this?"

"This is your civic duty!"

Roxie groaned.

"Whatever, fine. Where do I have to go?"

Wordlessly, the Chief pointed to a location on the map on his desk. Roxie studied the distance and direction from the "You Are Here" sticker to where he was pointing, then turned and left his office.

* * *

Within minutes she was at the place where the person she was supposed to apprehend was located. She flew to the ground to see the police had him cornered, but he was brandishing a Pokéball that presumably contained the Pokémon he was threatening the world with, so they were unable to get any closer to him.

"Y-you're Dreamy Steel Sorceress Roxie the Magnificent! They've sent you to stop me?! Ahaha! That means they must think I'm an actual threat! That'll show everyone from high school! Who's least likely to succeed now?!"

Roxie buried her face in her left hand and sighed.

"Ugh, dude. Just hand over the Pokéball and I'll make sure not to bruise you too much, all right? Is that fair for you?"

"You want me to give up without a fight?! NEVER! Zekrom, go!"

He tossed the Pokéball toward Roxie, and after a flash of light as the Pokémon emerged Roxie learned that the man was not bluffing as to the Pokéball's contents.

"Are you KIDDING ME?! Where did you get a Zekrom?!"

"Haha! You'd like to know, wouldn't you? Well, since you're about to die it wouldn't hurt to tell you. I got it from some kid in Hoenn over the Global Trade Center!"

Really, his explanation only raised more questions, but regardless of how he acquired it there was still a black lightning dragon of death staring Roxie down, so she needed to spring into action as quick as possible.

She dove to the side as it called down a bolt of lightning over head and just barely dodged the attack. Roxie got to her feet only to see the Pokémon finish charging its entire body with electricity and rushing her. She jumped high into the air, dodging the attack and causing the Zekrom to keep going until it crashed into the nearest building.

"Hey! Watch that thing! What use are you if you can't keep the city from getting destroyed?!" A police officer with a megaphone yelled at Roxie.

She flipped him off, but nevertheless descended back to the ground and braced herself for its next attack. It charged its body full of electricity again, and this time when it ran at Roxie she was ready. She landed a nice strong punch right into its chest, and with a roar the Pokémon toppled over. Roxie expected it to get back up, but it seemed to be defeated.

"Nooooo! What have you done?!" The man yelled as he rushed over to his defeated Pokémon.

With the threat eliminated the police rushed to apprehend the man, wrenching the Pokéball from his hand and returning the Zekrom to it. As they led him away to a squad car the officer who was in charge of the situation approached Roxie.

"That was some damn fine work, Dreamy Steel Sorceress Roxie the Magnificent. We couldn't have done this without you."

"I dunno to be honest you probably could've taken that thing out by throwing a couple pebbles at it... Whatever though."

"Either way, the entire city owes you its thanks."

"I would much rather accept the city's thanks in the form of a paycheck, really... Anyway I'm out of here, if I can get back to Billy Jo's soon I might be able to get a few more beers in."

Not waiting to hear another word from the police officer Roxie took off back to Virbank. She had a smile on her face as she touched down and transformed back into her normal clothes, not because she was glad to be able to help the city in its time of need, but because it felt damn good to punch out a lightning death dragon.

Unfortunately, by the time she had gotten back to Billy Jo's house they were all out of beer, and not even that feeling of accomplishment could keep her bitter sobriety away. As she made her way home, Roxie made an oath herself, that she would one day track down that Sylveon, and pump it full of lead.


End file.
